Numb

Hello hello, first post since I returned from the wonder that is Malia, Crete. The most amazing week of my life! I'm not really in the mood to give all holiday details right now as I'm a bit of a fragile mama. These lyrics are soothing me and calming me right now. What a song - what a voice, what a woman:

The Man Who Got Away - Judy Garland

The night is bitter,
The stars have lost their glitter,
The winds grow colder
And suddenly you're older -
And all because of the man that got away.

No more his eager call,
The writing's on the wall;
The dreams you dreamed have all
Gone astray.

The man that won you
Has gone off and undone you.
That great beginning
Has seen the final inning.
Don't know what happened. It's all a crazy game!

No more that all-time thrill,
For you've been through the mill -
And never a new love will
Be the same.

Good riddance, good-bye!
Ev'ry trick of his you're on to.
But, fools will be fools -
And where's he gone to?

The road gets rougher,
It's lonelier and tougher.
With hope you burn up -
Tomorrow he may turn up.
There's just no letup the live-long night and day!

Ever since this world began
There is nothing sadder than
A one-man woman looking for
The man that got away....
The man that got away



... Night night for now (although I'm wide awake and can't sleep)

Xo

Sunshine!

Hello, I'm in the most delicious mood, it's been SO hot tody, absolutely scorching. Had the best day too. Drove over to Nanna and Gdad's in Wembley this morning and took Daddy Doughty with me. Took Nanna out for some lunch in the sun which was just so cute. She gave me an early 18th birthday card with a sizeable cheque inside it, I was so overwhelmed! Once we were back we all watched the England match against Slovenia, a beautiful 1-0 victory for Engerlandd! So delightful, it put everyone in the best mood. David James (England goalie) a new fave of mine. However no one will ever replace the beauty that is Becks. I love watching him in his gorgeous three piece suits on TV watching all the matches. Divine. Note why I put such a beautiful picture of him at the top of this post! I've also just started reading Middlemarch by George Eliot, it's actually good and I'm really getting into it, however it's blaaady long, so lucky I'm on Summer. Only two and a half weeks till Malia now, I cannot wait. I still need one more bikini, a sun hat, more bandeaus and shorts. FML so much shopping today and I've spent some much in Asos recently and Topshop. I wanna have unlimited funds! Tomorrow I'm going to Westfield with madre for a prom dress for St Helens one. Exciting times. Then Merah on Friday with the girls, a delightful time ahead. Must paint nails now, kiss kiss kiss xo

Freeedom!

Hello hello, I know it's been a long while since I've blogged but I've been minorly snowed under with these nightmarish things called A Levels. But finally, I'm free, no more school and no more school exams ever again! It's the strangest feeling and I have to say it's been a bit of an anti-climax, what with my friends still having their exams and me still being 17. However the birthday is only a month and a bit away now and I do have two proms and a wild holiday in MALIA to be looking forward to so I'm really not that fussed. My exams were in a short sharp burst of about one week and due to the fact my three subjects are heavily coursework based I only had three two hour exams, which were stressful enough on their own! Drama went well I think, I found the first section hard but the higher mark sections were better. English also was a godsend with the questions, Iago for "Othello" and presentation of pride in Faustus and Paradise Lost, but I was such a nervous wreck before the exam I think I might have cocked some of that up. Finally was History last Thursday which despite having amazing questions I think I buggered up too. One essay I know I muddled through fine I just don't think my structure was great. However the second essay, I argued a completely different argument to the rest of my class. Despite my teacher assuring me my answer was acceptable I'm still convinced I got the wrong end of the stick and wrote a load of bullshit. This then leads to the big fear I won't get my AAB for Leeds and will have to beg Southampton to take me :'( So that's quite a scary and stressful situation but realistically I can't do anything until the 19th of August so fingers crossed!

So I've been free for just over four days now, been at work for two of them, shopped for one of them and slept for the other. Quite useful way of spending my time I think. I've geekily got some great books out to read over summer, such as Middlemarch and Villette as well as Dylan Thomas poems. I've just started reading The Kite Runner as I've heard great things about it. I hope to read some Austen over summer and some Ian McEwan too. Such a literature babe. On another topic I bought the most fantastic shoes the other day with a whopping price tag. But so worth it:


Admit they are so beautiful and such a perfect summer shoe. I've only got black clubbing heels so these are perfect and I will get as much wear out of them as possible! I spent so much in London, Topshop, Mac, Beyond Retro, American Apparel literally just steal my money away! Anyhow, must get some snooze, I am shattered today and I was only at work for four hours! Xo

Optimism

I'm actually feeling positive today, for the first time in about a month. Thing is with me, this optimism will be brief and within 2-3 hours I'll be the depressed and downtrodden blob I usually am. I'm feeling good because it's 3pm and I'm home from school after having a productive meeting with my History teacher about re-doing coursework (this in itself is not a positive thing, I'm just trying to turn it into one.) I've had all my mocks back and my grades spell CAD, reasonably impressive if you ask me. The A was in Drama which I was pleased about, however the C in English and D in History really aren't anything to smile about seeing as I need AAB to get into Leeds in September. Things seem pretty shit, but I'm going to get a History tutor and generally pull my socks up in English so things actually aren't going to be as bad as they look right now. English coursework is a massive bitch, which I still haven't properly started and I'm kidding myself that I will have my first draft all ready to hand in in two weeks. What a joke. Enough about school work I'm starting to feel a bit queasy anyway.

I have an urge to go shopping as well as cut all my hair off recently. I discussed the short hair idea with the ladies today in the common room and it was generally not well received, so we're taking that as a no no for the "long pob" idea. That means I just need to dye it (dark again most likely) and then go and book myself a hair appointment just so I don't look like a tramp anymore and I can have a chance at being able to run a brush through my hair without it breaking.

Lindsay Lohan - Liking this choice of hair colour.

My friends told me that I would regret cutting my hair off and Ellen commented that I would want long luscious locks when I go to university cos I'll need to be fit to make a good first impression and she says most people at uni are chavvy and have short hair greased to the sides of their heads so I need to be different. So in conclusion, the long hair is here to stay, but maybe a different parting? Or a fringe even. Can't decide. I'm just SO bored with my hair right now, it just sits on my head like a dying cat and is generally gross and lifeless. I'm craving a full on shopping spree as well, I need new heels as embarassingly I only have one pair of decent heels, my black patent shoe boots from New Look. I need something new. However I'm so poor right now, I've already spent half of this month's wages on filling up my car which came to £40! I mean please, I thought this would last me two weeks at least, but it's been a week and I'm down to a quarter of a tank. Driving is so expensive that it makes me cringe at the thought of how much I'm going to spend on petrol this year. But it's all worth it, being able to drive keeps me going at the moment whenever I get fed up, I think - at least I can drive! Look at me brimming with optimism and enthusiasm. I'm going to get some work done now and might post more later when I'm feeling more creative and deep about things. Here's an Audrey quote I found and just adore.

“Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.”

Stress

Hello blog. I thought creating one of these things would be a good way for me to try and focus my stresses and frustrations in a mildly creative way; instead of being a snappy cow to my parents and to my friends. Ironically, I should be doing my coursework right now, which is the source of much of my stress anyway. Boo to that, I'm relaxing to Ellie Goulding's album - it's pretty sweet. Going to burn it to a CD so I have something decent to listen to on the way to school tomorrow. It's 8pm and Glee is on at 9 - this will definitely chill me out no end, so I have that to look forward to at least! I just have no focus whatsoever at the moment, I'm just about getting through a day at school, come home to a cup of tea and a piece of toast and loaf around the entire evening, doing nothing productive at all, browsing asos.com, Facebooking or watching 'Come Dine With Me.' Seeing as I have these things called A Levels in the next three months and I sort of need to do well, I should probably be more panicked. Alas, I am not right now. I'll start worrying nearer the time.

I've got into Skins this series, but only recently, the first episodes were quite wank but now Effy features more strongly, I'm hooked. I adore her, what a babe, would trade bodies/faces/voices with her any day of the weeek! This massive picture on the left is just so peng, I had to upload it. She's quite weird looking, but I've decided she has great eyebrows, all pointed and sexy. Please, what a delight to stare at. Freddie's not too bad this series, wonder if someone like him actually exists. Phwoaaar that would be a great sight to wake up to in the morning. God I sound like a proper saddo, chatting about these people as if I know them personally. Should probably focus on my own life, more than that of made up characters.

I've also decided I need to do something dramatic to my image. I'm thinking change or hair colour or maybe just cut it all off. I'm bored with it and my dark brown is fading out to reveal the mousey brown roots underneath - gross and very boring. I'm thinking dark again, or even blonde for banter. I've been told by a few people to chop all my hair off which I don't think I could ever bring myself to do, but it might be the change I need to re-invent myself. I'm so insecure right now, keep wanting to change things about me and be/look like someone else. I'm normally pretty happy in my own skin but I've been at gym loads recently trying to lose some weight - god knows why. I want skinnier legs, then I'd be happy. Anyway, it seems I still have a mountain of work in front of me and only 45 minutes until Glee so I best crack on. I've enjoyed doing this and will definitely be writing on here soon. Might even be later this evening if I'm really creatively juicy. Lush. Over and out.