Optimism

I'm actually feeling positive today, for the first time in about a month. Thing is with me, this optimism will be brief and within 2-3 hours I'll be the depressed and downtrodden blob I usually am. I'm feeling good because it's 3pm and I'm home from school after having a productive meeting with my History teacher about re-doing coursework (this in itself is not a positive thing, I'm just trying to turn it into one.) I've had all my mocks back and my grades spell CAD, reasonably impressive if you ask me. The A was in Drama which I was pleased about, however the C in English and D in History really aren't anything to smile about seeing as I need AAB to get into Leeds in September. Things seem pretty shit, but I'm going to get a History tutor and generally pull my socks up in English so things actually aren't going to be as bad as they look right now. English coursework is a massive bitch, which I still haven't properly started and I'm kidding myself that I will have my first draft all ready to hand in in two weeks. What a joke. Enough about school work I'm starting to feel a bit queasy anyway.

I have an urge to go shopping as well as cut all my hair off recently. I discussed the short hair idea with the ladies today in the common room and it was generally not well received, so we're taking that as a no no for the "long pob" idea. That means I just need to dye it (dark again most likely) and then go and book myself a hair appointment just so I don't look like a tramp anymore and I can have a chance at being able to run a brush through my hair without it breaking.

Lindsay Lohan - Liking this choice of hair colour.

My friends told me that I would regret cutting my hair off and Ellen commented that I would want long luscious locks when I go to university cos I'll need to be fit to make a good first impression and she says most people at uni are chavvy and have short hair greased to the sides of their heads so I need to be different. So in conclusion, the long hair is here to stay, but maybe a different parting? Or a fringe even. Can't decide. I'm just SO bored with my hair right now, it just sits on my head like a dying cat and is generally gross and lifeless. I'm craving a full on shopping spree as well, I need new heels as embarassingly I only have one pair of decent heels, my black patent shoe boots from New Look. I need something new. However I'm so poor right now, I've already spent half of this month's wages on filling up my car which came to £40! I mean please, I thought this would last me two weeks at least, but it's been a week and I'm down to a quarter of a tank. Driving is so expensive that it makes me cringe at the thought of how much I'm going to spend on petrol this year. But it's all worth it, being able to drive keeps me going at the moment whenever I get fed up, I think - at least I can drive! Look at me brimming with optimism and enthusiasm. I'm going to get some work done now and might post more later when I'm feeling more creative and deep about things. Here's an Audrey quote I found and just adore.

“Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.”

Stress

Hello blog. I thought creating one of these things would be a good way for me to try and focus my stresses and frustrations in a mildly creative way; instead of being a snappy cow to my parents and to my friends. Ironically, I should be doing my coursework right now, which is the source of much of my stress anyway. Boo to that, I'm relaxing to Ellie Goulding's album - it's pretty sweet. Going to burn it to a CD so I have something decent to listen to on the way to school tomorrow. It's 8pm and Glee is on at 9 - this will definitely chill me out no end, so I have that to look forward to at least! I just have no focus whatsoever at the moment, I'm just about getting through a day at school, come home to a cup of tea and a piece of toast and loaf around the entire evening, doing nothing productive at all, browsing asos.com, Facebooking or watching 'Come Dine With Me.' Seeing as I have these things called A Levels in the next three months and I sort of need to do well, I should probably be more panicked. Alas, I am not right now. I'll start worrying nearer the time.

I've got into Skins this series, but only recently, the first episodes were quite wank but now Effy features more strongly, I'm hooked. I adore her, what a babe, would trade bodies/faces/voices with her any day of the weeek! This massive picture on the left is just so peng, I had to upload it. She's quite weird looking, but I've decided she has great eyebrows, all pointed and sexy. Please, what a delight to stare at. Freddie's not too bad this series, wonder if someone like him actually exists. Phwoaaar that would be a great sight to wake up to in the morning. God I sound like a proper saddo, chatting about these people as if I know them personally. Should probably focus on my own life, more than that of made up characters.

I've also decided I need to do something dramatic to my image. I'm thinking change or hair colour or maybe just cut it all off. I'm bored with it and my dark brown is fading out to reveal the mousey brown roots underneath - gross and very boring. I'm thinking dark again, or even blonde for banter. I've been told by a few people to chop all my hair off which I don't think I could ever bring myself to do, but it might be the change I need to re-invent myself. I'm so insecure right now, keep wanting to change things about me and be/look like someone else. I'm normally pretty happy in my own skin but I've been at gym loads recently trying to lose some weight - god knows why. I want skinnier legs, then I'd be happy. Anyway, it seems I still have a mountain of work in front of me and only 45 minutes until Glee so I best crack on. I've enjoyed doing this and will definitely be writing on here soon. Might even be later this evening if I'm really creatively juicy. Lush. Over and out.